I suspected something was going on with her why she broke and i taught she was seeing someone and maybe this guy from before.. Brutal to walk in and every turn have that in your face, and it wasnt perfect but I came back everyday after work. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. After a marriage of almost 25 years, I left my wife. Is there something wrong with me. Thats were the acceptance came into play . It is so hard I know.. but Im living proof that you can and will trust again if you allow yourself to believe. She bought him a watch and pajamas for his birthday. For THIRTY years, I pined horribly over this bull****. How do you deal with him not loving you anymore, he felt unappreciated, he started heavily texting another married woman for over a month, and you dont have anything in common? Dont tell me to cherish what I had just focus on whats next. You are young and will have a bright future What city and state are you in? Actually, we were both unhappy and I had also wanted out of the relationship for a while. Hey there. And the house. So just like you want to be loved and cared for, he wants the same thing. He is destined to be a pathetic, lonely old man. 1. Im devastated. Conversely, if your spouse works long hours out of necessity, this can signify that they're willing . My husband of 15 years, announced 6 weeks ago that he was unhappy. Female aggression toward other females is real. Forgiveness is a choice, and when you make the decision and act on it, the feelings will eventually be there. he used me. DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old. I feel torn of the situation and the new person in my life has given me perspective on how relationships are truly to be. Words are just words, actions speak so much louder. He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. Maybe that was the final straw. Two days later I went and begged for another chance.she said yes and we spent what I thought was a day filled with renewed spirit, touching holding talking. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. On Wednesday I wanted to surprise him by going to see him. My therapist told me she wanted her cake and eat it to. I have to do some procedures for possible breast cancer and I need to get my insurance going. The night we separated he told me he loved me but, Not in that way anymore. Im so hurt n lost. He left me broke. I beg you to take me from here: Spousal abandonment and the experience of separation in flight from persecution. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. Having children does not entitle you to a handicap parking spot., The life I imagined crashed before me and fell to pieces. This was a deliberate act carried out by those who are unethical and immoral. How to cope: As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. Im guessing she made up some bullcrap to try to justify it because no one is talking to me and yet my daughter and I are the victims of this shitstorm. We now have a new and our 5th counselor. My prayers are for you but know that the pain will subside with time. Your partner wasnt in love with you anymore. Never ever ever We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally . We made each other laugh every day, we goofed off an had fun. If you do a search on the topic you will find that studies are revealing an epidemic of infidelity right now. I dont understand whats happened in these last 2 weeks. He saw a friend of mine recently and told her that he was upset by the split and still really loved me but he wont talk. Im rattling round the house all alone, crying and pleading all nigt for my wife to come home, I love her so much, She never told me what I was doing wrong. First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. Han cautions against falling into the trap of self-blame. I love my children and feel I am stuck between it all Surviving; my job; my children and my new love. I wonder if he even filed those papers. You are not going to die .Your wife who is supposed to love you has been seeing another man no matter what the excuse this is not acceptable. You can thank societies changing attitude towards sex with social media being one of the cheaters biggest tools as well as sites like ashley madison.com.rates are as high as up to 70 percent infidelity for women and 80 percent for men. Just sad. We would sit up and chat for a couple hours and then I would head home, do it all over again the next day. When everyone had left he told me how much he loved me , how proud he was of me. I am an alcoholic in recovery with almost 22 yrs of sobriety. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. People snap. It sounds like hes pretty unhappy, and possibly with himself. I moved away from my hometown with my son Met the man Im with now and my 7 year old loves him His real daddy recently passed away and so me and my fiance wanted a baby sister for us and him meanwhile he has 4 other kids that he told me the kids couldnt keep him at there house. A month ago my partner of 4 years woke up got ready for work, was just about to leave when I asked him about meeting to go book our summer holidays he turned to me and said I dont think we should as I dont live you anymore Im leaving you. When he did come home, often after 9 months abroad, he would turn his back on me in bed . All that matters is that they make you feel good inside. This is also the second time he has done this the last time wasnt quite as brutal I dont think he was still super cold and mean to me but there was a rocky relationship leading into it so it wasnt overly surprising it lasted abiut a month and half before he came crawling back. It took some comments by others, even his own family to see how much I compensated and accommodated. He said he didnt want it to escalate so he left. To a better year and life ahead, thats all I can pray for! One of the best ways to help get through something like this is to have someone else to talk to. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. How to cope: This is a great opportunity and time to ask yourself what you want to do with your time and how you want to live. I suspect someone else has caught his attention. Then a month later he came home and told me he never loved me and his mind was f$&k#% . He wants to separate all our assets already and wants all the momentos in our house. Hi I am going through this as we speak. And I have plenty of divorced friends who are now happy. Its all about him, not me or my children at all. I knew my wife was no longer this person that I longed for. Last September she said we were over due to the fact of me cheating with her friend. Its been 1 1/2 years since our separation and 6 months since our divorce and I still cry every day. And you cant necessary believe everything she says. I will have to let go and I cant see her changing given my history. By the way Don how do you meet people on line? Well, a year and a half ago he announced he needed a separation for 30-days and walked out on us in the middle of the night. Well I am two weeks over surgery and still at a wait and see state with my husband. So, we did not have that much left. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. Im sorry you have to go thru this..now what you must do is have No Contact with him no phone,txts,social media NOTHING if its about the kids short & sweet only about the kids no matter what this will allow him to think about the things he has done & yourself to think about the things youve allowed dont be so hard on yourself I know Im going through it now but you must get your life in order for not yourself because the kids will eventually suffer behind this & trust me the thing with the other woman will not last.take care. Im so lost and I dont know what to do. (Poetic) Most importantly very little if no bias. She refused to let me see them at all and now had moved that guy and his kid into our home. The more you attempt to this the farther you push your spouse toward what the evil wanted to begin with, loneliness, despair, and hurt. I read It goes back to their childhood when they were never held accountable for their actions and would lie and cover up rather than be chastised by their parents one of which was probably narcissistic too . So until that happens, dont waste minutes precious minutes and time thinking about what he did to you or how you wanted to change. I just want some kind of advice i feel like there is no reason to live anymore Dog depression is similar to the kind we as humans experience. I was not an angel but I dont think I deserve the treatment Im receiving. She walked out about a week ago and she always leaves and never tells me what I have done wrong and she never tried to work through things. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. Or how about when you know theyre gay, but realize they arent leaving because you are paying the bills while they go to college, work, run the roads and do his thing. Its natural to feel that way. Yet she is cold. It is the most painful thing ive ever experienced. She is looking for a new Hm and we are still all in the same house. Go to the gym to tske out your anger, watch movies to get out of your painful world for awhile. Oddly she got over it then 2 months later had a breakdown. He since has gone on to not talking to me for weeks at a time, saying he is thinking of leaving, driving around the countryside for 10 days by himself, not ringing me or the children for Christmas (I was staying at my parents on holidays), phoning me on holidays and saying he was selling everything and leaving me, not communicating for a week after dropping his bombshell of leaving, to now once Im back from holidays looking for a room to rent so he can have space. As hard as it is, I do. He doesnt pay his child support of 17 dollars a week, yet shows up at house with brand new shoes on his feet and new clothes on his body. It was rephrased that I abandoned the family and since I made good money now I was responsible for paying the x with her new man $2,000/mo. Youre alright He needs space to find himself. Give your kids a Merry Christmas and an amazing role model for the new year. Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. And this is incredibly helpful because it gives people a chance to talk about what they have been through and figure out a way to fix it in the future. I do love my husband. *the relationship feels like too much work. You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly. It is amazing how they completely changed. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. I have 2 ds and am left absolutely distraught. I understand its a problem, but I can not figure out a way to stop it I rather struggle financially for awhile then live in a horrible marriage. I could not allow a man to make me feel less another second! He has been gone for about six months now. His perspective is that he tried to be emotionally connected over and over only to be disappointed by my lack of response to his reaching out. Everyone says it gets better but I can see myself 19 years from now crying and asking why as well. She later asked me to move out the house to give her space as she could move in and she kept saying I was impossible to live with (yet managed for 5 years previously). I just dont understand any of it and feel so hopeless. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. He is back to. If you have low self-esteem, your man might lose respect for you and feel like he doesnt honor you anymore. Jackie I feel your pain as you know my situation. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. It takes a brave man to walk out on his wife and kids. Its an interesting perspective because I dont feel like I did anything, but if you asked my husband he would say that my lack of emotion towards him and response when he says he tried to reach out to me, time and time again, is the reason that he left. As soon as she had her degree and job, she didnt need me anymore at least thats how Ive chosen to see it. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. I cant believe that she will come back from this business trip with her husband and we would be able to continue on as we have and still have the relationship that we both have known to be so strong. Every time you allow someone to get over on you or away with something that hurts you, this takes a piece of you away. Instead of focusing on yourself, try to understand what is behind his decision. If your husband tries to make you happy in any way, big or small (and in my experience, he will), do your best to receive the gesture and convey your pleasure at his efforts. By left me I mean that she asked me to leave. Slightly distant. Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. I dont understand how someone can throw you out of your own house . I have been through this, and I know that sometimes it may seem like your marriage is over, but it might not be. How are you feeling today? :). The relationship causes you to feel bad about yourself, both before, during and after being together. I miss how much if a gentleman he was and how extremely romantic he can be. It was so scary. So I left him and came back to my house. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. She was afraid to tell u sooner prob cause she was afraid it would make u mad. Tried a lawyer, she sank me for thousands without ever doing a thing and I just wont take that road again. He is indicating he has no power to change; you have all the power. I just want her to call me & tell me its going to be ok but she is pressing ahead with this divorce in what seems nothing other than an irrational speed. So, basically this proves to me she was using me for some time, which (while devastating perhaps) allows me to at least be thankful she isnt, and cant anymore. I hope that your marriage works out and you and your husband will be happy once again together. I can only shiver is sheer horror at what might become should something happen to her parents and they cannot help her mom picks up 1 child and drops off both normally (to/from school). Why are you so hurt and feel this way? She says she is doing this for our marriage. Had there been any changes in his behavior towards you? I have stood with her thru the good and bad times and now that I am out of the house she treats me like Im a stranger. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. I am disabled and have unique issues that cause stroke like symptoms and memory issues. Drinking ,infidelity and porn being the worst, both on his part. She feels like a bad person who cannot be forgiven for leaving her family. She was also getting mess from her primary doctor as well. Here's what the research says on why it happens and how to cope. Im not happy being left out. My wife left me after 7.5 years. Only now its for real. Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage (there's little enough about women). Me if I did nothing then to love him.I asked him to tell me the truth and he said he was confused that loved me but he also had feelings again for her.